Sunday, November 11, 2012

How Do You Judge Me Now?

So, I recently became obsessed with this actor...and a new show. Some of you (it's pretty damn obvious) - due to my tweets on Twitter - will know exactly who I'm talking about. I ask that you refrain from mentioning his name or the show I'm talking about. Thank you.

So, like I said, I've become obsessed with this actor and the show he's on. I talk about him all the time, he's even from the state I'm from (and currently still live in). Okay, no more hints. I will keep this as generic as possible. So, just a few minutes ago I finished watching this 45 minute video of him and another guy. Their topic? God. I'm a new fan of this actor and didn't realize how very religious he is. I mean, wow, the words he was saying. The words I usually use for "these types of people" are religious nuts. Sorry to offend those that are religious, I'm just being honest. Do I believe in God? Yes? Do I pray every night? No. Do I get mad and say, "fuck God" a lot because of the life I have - being sick all the time, not being successful in the law enforcement field like I wanted - yes! I've questioned whether someone is looking out for me at all...because if someone was, why would they continuously want me to be sick? I know what some of you are thinking...that God has a plan for everyone. Yeah, sure. Bah Humbug.

To get to my point, however, I loved this actor before I saw this video of him preaching to (and sorry for the language...again) but a whole shit load of people (I would say at least a thousand). Now, I'm questioning whether to find him "hot" anymore or, for that matter, even watch the show he's on. As I sit back and think about it, I wonder why my mind came to this idea. Why would I suddenly stop liking someone because of their religious views? I honestly don't know. But why should I judge someone for being obsessively (in my opinion) religious...or for being anything for that matter? I guess what I see as an obsession to the extreme, he see's as a passion, a sacrifice (if you saw the video, you'd know the sacrifice I'm talking about but basically, he was willing to die making a movie if that's what God had planned for him...personally, I think that's insane!). But then if I step back and look at me, what do I see? Someone that's passionate about other things and I've sacrificed a lot to be passionate about those things. I won't mention those things, it's not needed to make my point, but to be honest, we're basically the same.

Just because I don't preach to God or Jesus Christ or any other higher power, doesn't mean I'm any less of a person than the actor I'm talking about. That's the way I feel. He may have a different opinion about that - perhaps want to "save me" and tell me to let God into my life - but the way I see it, I don't need to be saved. Do I have God in my life? The way I see it is it's his [God's] choice, not mine. I don't need to throw my entire life into one belief and then know that I'll be in Heaven and live again one day.

I wear a cross with diamonds throughout around my neck. I have since about 17 years old (so, for about 9 years). I believe my mom gave it to me as a high school graduation present. I look down at it, I have many, many times now and I wonder why I wear it. I definitely don't consider myself religious. My entire family is Methodist which is a form of Christianity. If I had to write on a piece of paper which religion I associate myself with, I'm not sure I could. I guess I'm a Christian...that's the best I can answer that question. But when I became older, I noted that I agree with some religious views from various religions. What's that make me? A mixed-religion? I really don't know. But back to my cross. One day I finally figured out what that cross I wear around my neck every day means to me and what it symbolizes. It symbolizes life for my Grandma who died in 1995. When I touch my cross I know she's looking down at me from Heaven. It symbolizes remembrance of my Grandma before she passed away. Now, to be honest, I haven't worn my cross in over a week now and it is really starting to bother me. My mother bought me a Platinum necklace to put the cross on years ago and, well, about a week or more ago, I broke it in half with nail clippers (please, don't ask). So, to be quite honest, I feel a bit lost without it. What does that say about me? Maybe I am more religious than I previous thought. Maybe I do believe in God more than I will admit. I really don't know, but the one thing I do know is I need to get that fixed (the chain).

So, in conclusion (haha, I know this is long and thanks to those who actually read this entire blog), what did I decide on? I decided to stick to loving this actor I've found to be so hot and to keep watching this show. Because, if I don't, what is that saying about me? If I stop liking someone and the show he's on because of his religious views, what does that make me? I don't want to be that person that hates on people just because they're different than me and have different views than me. For example, he thought abortion was a sin, I don't think it is. Do I hate him for saying that? No, but I do think he's wrong there. =) I know a lot of people do but, I mean, c'mon, if YOU'RE raped, do you really want to keep that baby inside you for 9 months? I wouldn't. And, hell, even my best friend and I don't see eye to eye about everything. I mean, really, who does. So I will just continue to love him and the show and hope that, when I die, whenever that may be, I will finally get to see my Grandma once more.